Opinion

An Open Letter to Game Critics

Stop talking about “value”. I don’t care if you paid $50 for the game or picked it up for $5 in the bargain bin. The idea that you are going to factor in some kind of “units of fun per dollar spent” ratio into your analysis of the game just makes you sound like an idiot.

Games are not pistachio nuts. Fun is not a commodity. The actual cost of a game is the time, attention, and effort necessary to learn it, become proficient at it, and navigate through it. This cost far outweighs any monetary consideration. If you haven’t noticed there is an infinite supply of free games. I’m not looking for inexpensive ways to keep myself occupied while waiting for death, I’m looking for games that don’t steal 50 hours of my life and then leave me feeling like I’ve just woken up from a shit sauna.

In general, games are too expensive. A few games are exorbitantly expensive and may not be worth the price. But no game is worth playing because it’s a bargain. I have heard several game-of-the-year wrap-ups in which the Orange Box, for example, has been praised for being a great value. Really? This information is relevant when considering which games were the best games of the year? What if you were deciding which games to send out into space as the ultimate example of human intelligence and creative expression? Would you give the nod to the game that left you with enough extra cash to buy a Big Mac and a pair of socks? No? Well then, please extend to me the same courtesy you would show to a fucking alien whose only interest in humanity is cheap labor and a delicious source of protein. Tell me which games are good, and why, I’ll decide whether or not to buy them. Thanks!